Navigating Maturity with Wonder
The journey into adulthood is often portrayed as a process of shedding the vestiges of youth in favour of sober responsibility and mature comportment. However, this societal narrative frequently blurs the crucial distinction between “childlike” qualities, which can enrich adult life, and “childish” behaviours, which can impede it. Common parlance and, at times, even cultural expectations, fail to adequately differentiate these concepts, leading to a fundamental misunderstanding of what constitutes healthy adult development. Society may inadvertently praise behaviours that are, in essence, childish when it seeks the perceived innocence of a childlike nature, or conversely, pathologize beneficial childlike traits by mislabelling them as immature. This confusion is not merely semantic; it has profound implications for psychological well-being and the potential for personal growth. As C.S. Lewis astutely observed, an overt concern with being “grown up” and a corresponding fear of “childishness” are, paradoxically, hallmarks of immaturity itself. True adulthood, he suggested, embraces freedom from this very fear, allowing for a more authentic and integrated self.
The societal pressure to “grow up” often involves a misunderstood shedding of essential positive traits, rather than their mature integration into a developed personality. This can culminate in a version of “adulting” that is brittle, lacking the flexibility, joy, and resilience that well-integrated childlike qualities can provide. Adulthood is frequently equated with seriousness and the suppression of playful or spontaneous behaviours. While the Apostle Paul spoke of doing away with “childish things” upon becoming a man, signifying a move towards spiritual maturity and love, the interpretation of what is “childish” can become overly broad. If this interpretation encompasses beneficial childlike attributes, adults might feel compelled to suppress vital aspects of their being, such as playfulness, wonder, and curiosity, leading to a less fulfilling and less resilient adult experience. The “myth of growing up” often portrays adulthood as a fixed, static state rather than a period of continued learning and growth, a perspective that naturally excludes the dynamic and evolving nature of these positive childlike qualities.
This article argues for the psychological imperative for adults to consciously cultivate and integrate positive childlike qualities—such as curiosity, playfulness, wonder, creativity, and openness—into their mature identities. These qualities are not remnants of an incomplete developmental stage but are fundamental for holistic well-being, robust resilience, and authentic living. Simultaneously, this exploration will dissect the detrimental nature of childish behaviours, which typically stem from emotional immaturity, unresolved developmental issues, and maladaptive coping mechanisms. By examining the psychological underpinnings of both childlikeness and childishness, exploring societal influences, and outlining pathways to growth and therapeutic intervention, this article aims to provide a comprehensive understanding of how adults can navigate their inner worlds to foster wisdom and wonder, rather than succumbing to immaturity. The subsequent sections will delve into precise definitions, analyze the psychological roots of childishness, illuminate the manifold benefits of embracing childlikeness, consider the societal mirror that reflects and shapes these expressions, and finally, suggest practical strategies for cultivating a balanced and fulfilling adult life.
Childlike versus Childish in Adult Psychology
A critical first step in understanding the nuanced landscape of adult development is to clearly differentiate between “childlike” qualities and “childish” behaviours. These terms, while often used interchangeably in colloquial language, carry distinct psychological meanings and have vastly different implications for an individual's well-being and interpersonal functioning.
Psychological Definitions and Characteristics of “Childlike”
The term “childlike,” in a psychological context, generally carries positive connotations. It refers to the retention and mature expression of certain desirable qualities often associated with childhood, integrated into a well-functioning adult personality. Childlikeness is frequently paired with notions of innocence, a capacity for trust (whether in a spiritual sense or in others), playfulness, creativity, a spirit of unselfishness, and a teachable attitude. It involves embracing qualities such as a persistent habit of questioning, a willingness to engage in play, and an openness to embracing uncertainty, which can transform an adult's approach to learning and life.
Specific traits often associated with a healthy childlike disposition in adults include:
Curiosity: This is not mere inquisitiveness but a genuine, deep-seated desire to learn, explore, and understand the world. Childlike curiosity manifests as the persistent asking of “why,” not out of petulance, but from an authentic drive to grasp underlying mechanisms and meanings. It is the engine of discovery and continuous learning.
Wonder: This is the capacity to experience awe and marvel at the everyday, to find joy and fascination in simple things often overlooked in the rush of adult life. It is an openness to beauty and the inherent mystery of existence, fostering a sense of appreciation and gratitude.
Playfulness: This involves approaching life and its challenges with a degree of humour, spontaneity, and a lighthearted spirit. It is the ability to engage in activities for intrinsic enjoyment, to experiment, and to not take oneself too seriously, which can be a powerful antidote to stress.
Creativity: Stemming from a playful and curious mind, creativity in childlike adults involves thinking unconventionally, engaging in imaginative problem-solving, and generating novel ideas. It is the ability to see new possibilities and connections.
Openness to Experience: This trait, often recognized in personality psychology, reflects a willingness to embrace new ideas, try novel experiences, and adapt to change. It is characterized by intellectual curiosity and a receptive attitude towards the unfamiliar.
Authenticity and Spontaneity: Childlike adults often exhibit a greater capacity for being true to themselves and expressing their feelings and thoughts genuinely, without excessive self-censorship or pretense. This can manifest as a refreshing spontaneity in their interactions.
Trust and Teachability: This involves a fundamental belief in the potential goodness of others and situations, coupled with a humble willingness to learn from experiences and from other people. It is an openness to guidance and new knowledge.
Psychological Definitions and Characteristics of “Childish”
In stark contrast, “childish” behaviour in adults carries overwhelmingly negative connotations. It refers to actions and attitudes deemed immature, irresponsible, selfish, infantile, or juvenile. Such behaviours often indicate a lack of developmental progression, where an adult seems to be functioning at an emotional or social level more characteristic of a child.
Specific traits indicative of childishness in adults include:
Emotional Dysregulation: This is a core feature, manifesting as frequent and intense emotional escalations, such as tantrums, overt pouting, or recurrent outbursts of anger that are disproportionate to the situation. Childish adults often struggle to manage their emotions effectively.
Impulsivity/Poor Impulse Control: This involves acting on immediate urges without considering potential consequences, interrupting others, speaking recklessly, or making rash decisions.
Irresponsibility/Blame-Shifting: A consistent pattern of avoiding personal responsibility for one's actions or their outcomes. Instead of addressing problems or mistakes, childish individuals tend to blame others or external circumstances.
Egocentrism/Self-Absorption: An overwhelming focus on oneself, often coupled with a need to be the centre of attention. This includes a lack of empathy and an inability to genuinely understand or consider the perspectives, feelings, and needs of others.
Narcissistic Tendencies: This can extend beyond simple self-absorption to include a sense of entitlement, a belief that rules do not apply to them, and an expectation of special treatment without reciprocating.
Lying and Deception: Resorting to dishonesty to avoid trouble, evade responsibility, or manipulate situations to their advantage.
Bullying/Name-Calling: Using aggression, intimidation, or derogatory language to assert dominance, express frustration, or attack others' personal traits instead of addressing issues constructively.
Immature Defences: Employing primitive psychological defence mechanisms such as denial (e.g., “I didn't say that!”) or aggressively attacking anyone who presents a different viewpoint.
Inability to Learn from mistakes: A failure to reflect on past errors or negative experiences, leading to the repetition of the same maladaptive behaviours.
Key Differentiators
The distinction between childlike and childish rests on several fundamental psychological differentiators:
Maturity and Development: Childlikeness, when integrated into an adult personality, often reflects emotional maturity, successful navigation of earlier developmental stages, and the fruits of secure attachment experiences. It is an aspect of maturity. Conversely, childishness frequently signals a form of arrested development, unresolved developmental tasks, or fixations at earlier psychosexual or psychosocial stages. It represents a lack of maturity.
Intent and Motivation: The impetus behind childlike actions often springs from genuine curiosity, intrinsic joy, a desire for learning, or an authentic wish to connect with others. Childish behaviours, however, are more commonly driven by unmet emotional needs, deep-seated fears, anxieties, a desperate need for external validation, or a maladaptive attempt to control situations or gain attention.
Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation: Adults who embody positive childlike qualities can, and often do, possess high levels of emotional intelligence, which includes robust self-awareness and effective self-regulation strategies. They can be playful or curious while remaining grounded and appropriate. Childish individuals, by definition, typically lack these crucial skills, leading to behaviours that are poorly modulated and often inappropriate to the context.
Impact on Self and Others: Childlike qualities generally exert a positive influence, fostering stronger interpersonal connections, enhancing learning and creativity, and contributing to overall psychological well-being for both the individual and those around them. Childish behaviours, in contrast, are often destructive, damaging relationships, hindering personal growth, and creating distress for the individual and others.
A crucial point to consider is that societal pressures to suppress “childishness” can inadvertently lead to the stifling of healthy “childlike” expressions if the distinction between the two is not clearly understood and valued. Some genuinely positive childlike behaviours, such as spontaneous expressions of joy, overt curiosity, or playful engagement, might be superficially misjudged as immature in environments that excessively valorize stoicism, reserved conduct, or a narrow definition of “adult seriousness”. Adults may fear being perceived as “childish,” a label carrying negative social weight, and consequently over-correct by suppressing any behaviour that could be misconstrued as such. This suppression can extend to beneficial childlike traits like spontaneity, the open expression of wonder, or playful humour, particularly if their social or professional environment rigidly enforces a sombre adult demeanour. The “fear of childishness” that C.S. Lewis identified can thus become a significant internal barrier to accessing and expressing the very qualities that enrich adult existence and foster resilience.
Furthermore, the perceived “safety” in expressing childlike versus childish behaviours is not uniform; it is heavily contingent upon the specific context and, importantly, upon an individual's internal psychological landscape, particularly their attachment history and level of emotional intelligence. An individual who has developed a secure attachment style and possesses high emotional intelligence is more likely to navigate the expression of childlike joy or curiosity in ways that are socially appropriate and constructive. Secure attachment in early life is foundational for developing such positive traits and the capacity for emotional regulation. Conversely, emotionally immature parents can impede a child's emotional development, potentially leading to insecure attachment styles and difficulties with emotional regulation in adulthood. Adults who exhibit emotional immaturity—a hallmark of childishness—struggle with regulating their emotions and often lack sophisticated social skills. Consequently, an adult with unresolved attachment issues and poor emotional regulation might express underlying needs for joy or connection in ways that appear demanding, inappropriate, or “childish”—for example, by constantly needing to be the centre of attention —because they lack the mature psychological framework to express these fundamental human needs in a constructive and relational manner. The freedom and “safety” to be genuinely childlike, therefore, stem from both internal factors (such as self-regulation and a secure sense of self) and external factors (such as societal acceptance and supportive environments).
Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Its Manifestations
Childishness in adulthood is not a fleeting mood or an occasional lapse in judgment; rather, it represents a more persistent pattern of functioning that reflects underlying psychological dynamics. Understanding these dynamics requires an exploration of emotional immaturity, egocentrism, theories of arrested development, specific behavioural indicators, and the potential links to maladaptive behaviours and personality disorders.
Core Features of Emotional Immaturity and Egocentrism in Adults
Emotional Immaturity Defined: Psychologically, emotional immaturity in adults describes a state where an individual's emotional and social skills are not congruent with their chronological age. It is important to note that emotional immaturity is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis in classifications like the DSM-5; instead, it serves as an explanatory framework for understanding a person's emotional and social state of mind. Key characteristics frequently observed in emotionally immature adults include a pervasive pattern of self-absorption, a history fraught with interpersonal conflict and drama, and a significant deficit in self-reflection. These individuals often struggle to repair damaged relationships, with conflicts rarely achieving resolution and frequently being ignored. A core difficulty lies in their inability to genuinely adopt others' perspectives, often accompanied by a lack of guilt or remorse for their actions. Consequently, they may fail to learn from past mistakes, repeating behaviours that yield negative consequences. Reality itself can be a fluid concept for the emotionally immature, who may deny or distort it to fit their emotional state—a phenomenon known as affective realism, where reality is defined by how it feels rather than objective facts. Impulsivity is common, as is a tendency towards enmeshment in relationships rather than healthy emotional intimacy. There can also be a disturbing disregard for the well-being and safety of others, and a profound lack of empathy.
Egocentrism in Adulthood: Closely allied with emotional immaturity is adult egocentrism. This is a cognitive bias wherein an individual operates under the assumption that their perspective is the sole or universally shared one, demonstrating an inability to genuinely imagine or appreciate that other people possess their own distinct perceptions, thoughts, and feelings. This is not to be confused with selfishness in a moral sense, but rather a cognitive limitation in perspective-taking. Adult egocentrism can severely impact interpersonal relationships, eroding trust, diminishing closeness and intimacy, and hindering effective decision-making and collaboration. Partners of egocentric individuals often report feeling unseen, unheard, and lonely. This cognitive bias can manifest in several ways, including the false consensus effect (overestimating how much others agree with one's views), the curse of knowledge (experts forgetting that others don't share their level of knowledge), the illusion of transparency (believing one's emotional state is obvious to others), and the spotlight effect (overestimating how much others notice one's presence or behaviour). Some psychologists suggest that an increased emphasis on self-awareness in modern culture, if not balanced with empathy, may inadvertently contribute to heightened egocentrism, where individual needs are prioritized, harming relational health.
Consequences of Emotional Immaturity and Egocentrism: The presence of these traits can render relationships toxic and draining. Those interacting with emotionally immature or egocentric individuals often report feeling as though they are “walking on eggshells”. Their experiences and feelings are frequently discounted or ignored, and attempts to assert their reality can be met with discord or gaslighting. This dynamic can lead to significant psychological distress for the partner or associate, including confusion (often termed “brain scramble”) and, over time, the potential development of anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions.
Psychoanalytic and Psychosocial Perspectives
The concept of arrested development provides a deeper theoretical lens through which to understand persistent childishness in adults. It refers to a state where an individual's emotional, psychological, or social growth becomes halted or stagnated at an earlier developmental stage, preventing them from achieving full adult maturity. The roots of arrested development are often traced to early childhood experiences, such as overbearing or controlling parenting that stifles autonomy, or, conversely, neglect that fails to provide necessary guidance and emotional support. Traumatic events, unresolved grief, or a pervasive fear of change and an unwillingness to take necessary risks can also contribute to this developmental stagnation.
Freud's Psychosexual Theory and Fixation: Sigmund Freud's pioneering work on psychosexual development proposed that personality unfolds through a series of stages (oral, anal, phallic, latency, genital), each characterized by a primary erogenous zone and specific developmental challenges. According to Freud, if conflicts at any of these stages are not adequately resolved, or if needs are either excessively frustrated or overly indulged, an individual can become fixated at that stage. This means a portion of their libidinal energy remains invested in the concerns and modes of gratification characteristic of that earlier phase, leading to anxiety and the persistence of immature traits into adulthood, often manifesting as neuroses.
Oral fixation (0-1 year), stemming from issues around feeding and dependency, might manifest in adulthood as excessive dependency, gullibility, or conversely, aggression and sarcasm. Behaviours like overeating, smoking, or excessive talking can be considered adult expressions of unmet oral needs.
Anal fixation (1-3 years), related to conflicts during toilet training and the assertion of control, can lead to two distinct adult personality styles: the anal-retentive personality (characterized by orderliness, stubbornness, stinginess, and a compulsive need for control) or the anal-expulsive personality (marked by messiness, disorganization, impulsivity, and a rebellious disregard for rules).
Phallic fixation (3-6 years), centred on the Oedipus or Electra complex and early genital awareness, if unresolved, could result in adult traits such as vanity, exhibitionism, flirtatiousness, sexual aggression, or difficulties in forming mature romantic relationships and handling authority.
Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development: Erik Erikson expanded on Freudian theory, proposing eight psychosocial stages, each involving a specific crisis that must be navigated for healthy development. Failure to successfully resolve these crises can lead to what Erikson termed “ego damage” and can result in arrested development, with the unresolved issues of earlier stages impacting adult functioning.
Unresolved Trust vs. Mistrust (infancy) can manifest in adulthood as pervasive difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships, a sense of emptiness, or even substance misuse.
Failure to navigate Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (early childhood) can lead to chronic low self-esteem, pervasive shame, guilt, and anger in adulthood.
Lingering issues from Initiative vs. Guilt (preschool years) may result in adult indecisiveness, a lack of assertiveness, low motivation, and persistent feelings of shame or guilt.
Difficulties in the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage (young adulthood) can lead to profound loneliness, an inability to form deep, committed connections, and emotional immaturity in relational contexts.
Failure to achieve Generativity vs. Stagnation (middle adulthood) can result in feelings of unproductivity, self-absorption, and a lack of purpose, essentially a stagnation of personal growth and contribution.
The “Infantile Personality”: Some psychoanalytic theorists have described an “infantile personality,” which is conceptualized not as a regression to an earlier state but as a fundamental lack of developmental progression. Individuals with this personality structure are considered functioning like a child despite their adult age, exhibiting characteristics such as childish theatrics, pouting and mercurial moods, pervasive clinginess, and extreme sensitivity to rejection. Their behaviour, while appearing childlike, lacks the adaptive flexibility and context-appropriateness of healthy childlike qualities.
Behavioural Indicators of Arrested Development and Childishness
The internal dynamics of emotional immaturity and arrested development manifest in observable behaviours that are often labelled as childish:
Tantrums and Emotional Outbursts: A hallmark is the inability to manage anger, frustration, or disappointment in an age-appropriate manner. This can range from pouting and whining to full-blown tantrums, sometimes involving verbal aggression or even physical altercations or damage to property. This is closely related to the concept of age regression, where an adult stressed or facing trauma may revert to behaviours characteristic of a younger developmental stage.
Poor Impulse Control & Irresponsibility: This includes making rash decisions without considering long-term consequences, difficulty delaying gratification, interrupting others frequently, and a general avoidance of responsibility for tasks and commitments. There's often a pattern of blaming others for failures or shortcomings. Research suggests that intolerance of uncertainty can exacerbate the risk for engaging in impulsive behaviours as a maladaptive coping mechanism to alleviate distress.
Lying, Name-Calling, and Bullying: As previously detailed, these behaviours are common manifestations of immaturity, used to evade consequences, manipulate others, or assert a fragile sense of dominance.
Need for the Spotlight/Self-centredness: A persistent need to be the centre of attention, often dominating conversations and social situations, coupled with a general lack of concern or awareness for the needs and experiences of others.
Cognitive Impacts: Arrested development can also affect cognitive functions. Individuals may exhibit difficulties with learning new information, retaining it effectively, engaging in complex problem-solving, and making decisions based on logical reasoning. Executive functions, including attention, planning, organization, and self-control, may also be impaired, alongside potential challenges in language and communication skills.
Links to Maladaptive Behaviours and Personality Disorders
Persistent childish behaviours in adulthood are often more than just quirky personality traits; they can be indicative of broader patterns of maladaptive behaviour and, in some cases, may be associated with diagnosable personality disorders.
Maladaptive Behaviours: These are defined as patterns of actions, thoughts, or emotions that are detrimental to an individual's well-being and hinder their ability to function effectively in various life domains. Such behaviours are typically ineffective or counterproductive responses to challenging situations and can stem from cognitive distortions (e.g., black-and-white thinking), learned patterns (e.g., observing or being reinforced for immature responses), or co-occurring mental health conditions. Impulsivity and avoidance are prominent examples of maladaptive behaviours that overlap significantly with childish traits.
Personality Disorders: Many of the core features of adult childishness—such as emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, egocentrism, unstable relationships, and a distorted sense of self—are also characteristic criteria for several personality disorders. It's crucial to emphasize that a formal diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional after a thorough assessment.
Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD): Marked by an excessive need to be the centre of attention, often employing theatrical and dramatic behaviours, and experiencing shallow, rapidly shifting emotions. A subtype, sometimes referred to as “infantile HPD,” specifically involves the display of childish behaviours, emotional dependency, and the use of immature or playful actions (inappropriate for their age) to gain attention.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), a constant need for admiration, and a profound lack of empathy. Entitlement, the belief that rules don't apply to them, and the exploitation of others are common. These traits can certainly manifest as a sophisticated form of childish egocentrism and self-absorption. Parenting styles, such as excessive appraisal or neglect, have been implicated in the development of narcissistic traits.
Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD): Involves an excessive and pervasive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behaviour and fears of separation. Individuals with DPD often have difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others, struggle to express disagreement, and feel uncomfortable or helpless when alone due to exaggerated fears of being unable to care for themselves—all of which can appear as a form of childish dependency.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): While a complex disorder with diverse manifestations, BPD centrally involves emotional instability, impulsivity, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, and a disturbed sense of self. Some of these features, particularly the emotional dysregulation and impulsive reactions, can overlap with severe forms of emotional immaturity often described as childish.
Immature Personality Disorder (DSM-I): Although this diagnosis is no longer in current use (it appeared in the first edition of the DSM), it historically captured a personality characterized by a lack of emotional development, low tolerance for stress and anxiety, an inability to accept personal responsibility, and reliance on age-inappropriate defence mechanisms. Its subtypes included emotional instability reaction (akin to HPD features), passive-dependency reaction (akin to DPD), passive-aggressive reaction, and aggressive reaction, all of which resonate with descriptions of adult childishness.
Childhood Trauma as a Contributor: A significant body of research links adverse childhood experiences—such as abuse (physical, sexual, emotional), neglect, or the traumatic loss of a loved one—to impeded emotional and social development. For instance, one study highlighted high rates of childhood sexual trauma among individuals with BPD. Verbal abuse during childhood has also been correlated with an increased likelihood of developing borderline, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, or paranoid personality disorders in adulthood. These early adversities can disrupt the formation of secure attachment, impair the development of emotional regulation skills, and contribute to the maladaptive coping strategies that manifest as childish behaviours.
The persistence of childish behaviours into adulthood, therefore, often reflects a multifaceted interplay of unresolved developmental tasks from earlier life stages, maladaptive coping mechanisms learned in response to early environmental failures (such as insecure attachment, exposure to trauma, or inadequate parenting), and potentially, underlying personality structures. It is rarely a simple or conscious choice to “act immaturely.” Instead, these behaviours are more accurately understood as outward manifestations of deeper psychological vulnerabilities and skill deficits. Arrested development, as linked to childhood trauma or neglect, Freudian fixations, or unresolved Eriksonian crises, underscores this point. Emotionally immature parents, for example, often raise children who subsequently struggle with their own emotional maturity and attachment security. These formative experiences can lead to the development of deeply ingrained maladaptive schemas (negative patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving) and dysfunctional coping styles. The “childish” behaviours observed—such as tantrums, blame-shifting, or excessive neediness —are then the surface expressions of these underlying vulnerabilities and poorly developed coping skills, rather than deliberate choices made by a fully mature and integrated individual. The psychoanalytic concept of the “infantile personality” as a lack of progression rather than a temporary regression further emphasizes a fundamental halt in development.
Consequently, the label “childish” can be overly simplistic and profoundly stigmatizing, obscuring the genuine distress and significant functional impairment experienced by individuals who exhibit these behaviours. Terms like “man child,” for example, are often used pejoratively and fail to capture the underlying complexity. It's important to remember that emotional immaturity is an explanatory concept, not a formal diagnosis in itself, and behaviours like tantrums can sometimes be a feature of age regression, which is a defence mechanism against overwhelming stress or trauma. Many personality disorders that present with features often deemed “childish” have established roots in childhood trauma and genetic predispositions. A compassionate and psychologically informed perspective, therefore, seeks to understand the developmental origins and unmet needs that drive these behaviours, rather than merely condemning them as wilful immaturity. Therapeutic approaches, such as Schema Therapy for maladaptive schemas or psychodynamic therapy for developmental arrests, are designed to address these root causes and foster healthier adult functioning.
The Psychological Benefits of Embracing Childlike Qualities
While childishness signifies a deficit in maturity, the cultivation of childlike qualities in adulthood represents an enrichment of the self, contributing profoundly to psychological health, resilience, and a vibrant engagement with life. These qualities, far from being indicative of immaturity, are often hallmarks of a well-adjusted, creative, and fulfilled individual.
The Transformative Power of Playfulness
Play in adulthood is increasingly recognized by psychologists and researchers not as a frivolous indulgence, but as a vital component of well-being. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, defines adult play as activity that is voluntary, naturally motivated, and pleasurable, often leading to intrinsic satisfaction and a state of “flow” where one loses track of time. Importantly, playfulness can be conceptualized as a state of mind rather than solely an activity; any moment can be imbued with a playful spirit.
The psychological benefits of adult playfulness are extensive:
Stress Reduction and Emotional Regulation: Engaging in play has been shown to relieve stress, reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol, trigger the release of mood-boosting endorphins, and foster relaxation. Playful adults are more adept at employing positive coping mechanisms, such as acceptance and reframing, when faced with stressful situations. Laughter, often a component of play, creates emotional and spiritual connection, reminding individuals of shared humanity and support.
Cognitive Enhancement: Playfulness is linked to improved brain function. It sharpens mental acuity, promotes creativity and problem-solving skills, and enhances cognitive flexibility and memory. Research by Marian Diamond on enriched environments demonstrated that play, characterized by the presence of playmates and stimulating toys, significantly enhances brain growth and cognitive function in rats, a principle with implications for human development.
Creativity and Innovation: Play inherently boosts creativity by encouraging exploration, experimentation, and thinking outside conventional boundaries. A playful approach to tasks, or “playful work design,” can foster enjoyment and challenge, leading to greater creativity and innovative solutions in professional settings.
Social Connection and Empathy: The social nature of many forms of play strengthens bonds between friends, family, and colleagues. It fosters empathy, trust, intimacy, and a sense of belonging, which are crucial for robust social support networks. Indeed, some therapists believe that authentic relationships at any stage of life are difficult, if not impossible, to create without an element of play.
Resilience and Positive Mindset: A playful personality has been associated with a more positive outlook on the future, the ability to perceive obstacles as opportunities for growth, greater adaptability to challenging circumstances, and enhanced self-control—a constellation of traits termed “lemonade resilience”. Playful individuals report higher life satisfaction and overall happiness.
Increased Energy and Emotional Healing: Play can be invigorating, increasing energy levels and combating fatigue. It also offers a pathway for healing emotional wounds by providing a safe and enjoyable means to process difficult experiences.
The Vital Spark of Curiosity and Wonder
Curiosity and wonder are the cognitive and emotional engines that drive exploration, learning, and a deep appreciation for life. Curiosity, in this context, is more than a fleeting interest; it is a deliberate choice to engage with the unknown, to choose inquiry over certainty, and to persistently ask “why” in a quest for more profound understanding. Wonder is the emotional counterpart, the ability to marvel at the everyday, to find joy in simple discoveries, and to maintain a sense of awe in the face of life's complexities.
The benefits of nurturing these qualities are profound:
Enhanced Learning and Understanding: Childlike curiosity fuels a desire for more in-depth learning and opens individuals to new perspectives, fostering continuous intellectual growth. The “Wonder Approach to Learning,” proposed by Catherine L'Ecuyer, posits that wonder is an innate human capacity, the very origin of reality-based consciousness and intrinsic motivation for learning. This wonder is triggered by beauty and nurtured by secure attachment relationships, leading to meaningful, personalized learning experiences. Research by Tizard and Hughes found that children ask significantly more questions at home than at school, suggesting that environments play a crucial role in either stifling or cultivating this natural inquisitiveness.
Improved Relationships: Curiosity about others—their thoughts, feelings, and experiences—makes individuals more likeable, persuasive, and empathetic, leading to richer and more meaningful interactions. Asking thoughtful questions signals genuine interest and makes others feel valued and understood. This “curiosity begets curiosity,” creating a positive feedback loop that builds bridges for mutual understanding and respect, even with those holding different viewpoints.
Boosted Mental Health and Well-being: A curious and wonder-filled approach to life fuels innovation, makes existence more exciting, and increases overall joy. The ability to marvel at everyday life—an “openness to wonder”—is directly linked to greater happiness and life satisfaction. Dedicating even small moments each day to actively seeking something amazing or beautiful can trigger the release of neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, which generate feelings of well-being.
Overcoming Barriers to Curiosity: Modern life, with its emphasis on efficiency and quick answers, can often suppress the exploratory nature of curiosity. Furthermore, in professional or social settings, the fear of appearing uninformed or being the only one who doesn't understand can override the natural impulse to inquire, especially when psychological safety is low. Recognizing and consciously working against these barriers is key to reawakening this vital trait.
Embracing Novelty and Growth
Openness to experience is one of the “Big Five” personality traits and describes the degree to which an individual is imaginative, intellectually curious, sensitive to aesthetics, and receptive to new ideas, experiences, and changes. Open individuals are not passive recipients of stimuli; they actively seek new and varied experiences and are often reflective and thoughtful about the ideas they encounter. This trait aligns closely with the childlike qualities of curiosity and the willingness to embrace uncertainty.
The benefits of high openness include:
Cognitive Advantages: Openness is strongly linked to cognitive flexibility, creativity, innovative behaviour, and adaptability across diverse contexts. In educational and professional settings, individuals high in openness are more likely to engage positively with new methodologies and adopt creative practices. This trait is considered crucial for maintaining relevance and effectiveness in a rapidly changing world.
Well-being and Life Satisfaction: Research indicates a consistent association between openness to experience and life satisfaction throughout the adult lifespan. Individuals who show increases in openness over time also tend to report corresponding increases in their overall life satisfaction. The childlike qualities of questioning the world, playing with ideas, and embracing uncertainty (all facets of openness) are posited to lead to more fulfilled adult lives. A playful and curious spirit, which inherently involves an openness to wonder and new experiences, helps individuals cope more effectively with stress and maintain a more positive mindset.
Humanistic and Positive Psychology Perspectives
Humanistic psychology, with its emphasis on the inherent drive towards growth and the realization of one's fullest potential (the actualizing tendency), provides a strong theoretical foundation for understanding the value of childlike qualities in adulthood.
Carl Rogers, a key figure in humanistic psychology, believed that a therapeutic environment characterized by congruence (the therapist's genuineness and authenticity), unconditional positive regard (deep acceptance of the client), and accurate empathic understanding could help individuals move towards becoming their “true selves”. Such an environment fosters authenticity and spontaneity, allowing individuals to shed inhibitions and express themselves more freely, akin to the unselfconscious expression often seen in children.
Abraham Maslow, another prominent humanistic psychologist, described self-actualized individuals as those who have reached their fullest potential. Among their characteristics are creativity, spontaneity, self-acceptance, a profound appreciation of life, autonomy, and a “childlike sense of wonder”. Maslow noted that self-actualizing people often strike a balance between being childlike and mature, suggesting an integration rather than a suppression of these qualities. They are capable of “peak experiences”—moments of intense joy and profound connection to the world.
Positive Psychology further supports the importance of these traits through its study of character strengths and virtues. The VIA Classification of Strengths and Virtues, developed by Peterson and Seligman, identifies several strengths that resonate strongly with positive childlike qualities and contribute to well-being.
Strengths under the virtue of Wisdom, such as Creativity (novel approaches, openness to experience), Curiosity (fascination, desire for challenge), and Love of Learning (mastering new skills), directly relate to childlike exploration, engagement, and a thirst for knowledge.
The strength of Zest, under the virtue of Courage, involves approaching life with energy, enthusiasm, and excitement, mirroring childlike vitality and exuberance.
Strengths under Transcendence, such as Humour (seeing the light side, making others smile), Hope (positive future outlook), Gratitude (thankfulness), and Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence (recognizing and marvelling at skills and beauty), can be considered mature manifestations of childlike joy, optimism, and wonder. Research in positive psychology suggests that identifying and utilizing one's signature strengths, many of which have childlike roots, leads to greater happiness, engagement, meaning, and authenticity.
The flow state, a concept developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, describes a state of complete absorption and deep enjoyment in an activity, where one loses self-consciousness and sense of time. This state is frequently experienced during play and creative endeavours and is often described as a “childlike way of being,” associated with authentic engagement and intrinsic motivation. Playful work design, for example, aims to create conditions that foster flow, thereby enhancing creativity and job satisfaction.
The cultivation of these childlike qualities—playfulness, curiosity, wonder, openness, authenticity, and spontaneity—is therefore not a regression to an immature state but rather an integration of essential human capacities into a mature, well-rounded, and self-actualized personality. These qualities are foundational to psychological health and are often unnecessarily suppressed by rigid adult roles, societal pressures, or unresolved developmental issues, rather than being inherently “outgrown.” Humanistic psychology's concept of an “actualizing tendency” implies an innate drive towards becoming one's fullest self, and Maslow's depiction of self-actualized individuals retaining childlike wonder, creativity, and spontaneity supports this. Rogers' therapeutic goal of congruence and authenticity can be interpreted as a process of reclaiming a genuine, perhaps more childlike, way of being. Positive psychology's emphasis on strengths like curiosity and zest, which are prominent and natural in childhood, further underscores their importance. Play, curiosity, and wonder are intrinsically motivated activities. If these are inherent human capacities that contribute significantly to well-being, continuous learning, and overall growth, then their absence or suppression in adulthood suggests a deviation from a natural developmental trajectory, often due to external pressures or internal conflicts, rather than a healthy “outgrowing.” The “myth of growing up” reinforces this misunderstanding by portraying adulthood as a static state devoid of these dynamic, life-enhancing qualities.
Furthermore, the capacity for “flow”, often achieved during deep play, creative pursuits, and intrinsically motivated work, may serve as a key psychological mechanism through which these positive childlike qualities translate into adult peak performance, enhanced well-being, and continuous, joyful learning. Flow is characterized by deep absorption, intrinsic motivation, and a merging of action and awareness, much like the way children become completely engrossed in their play. Designing work and life environments that foster flow—by providing clear goals, immediate feedback, a balance between challenge and skill, and a sense of control—can directly nurture these beneficial childlike traits. Childlike curiosity and wonder are, at their core, about deep engagement and exploration. If flow represents a state where these qualities are highly active and lead to positive outcomes such as joy, skill development, and a sense of accomplishment, then creating conditions conducive to flow in adult life, whether in professional endeavours or personal leisure, becomes a direct pathway to nurturing beneficial childlikeness. Conversely, societal pressures such as “hustle culture,” which prioritize external outcomes, relentless productivity, and extrinsic rewards over process and intrinsic enjoyment, are likely to inhibit the experience of flow and, consequently, suppress these vital childlike capacities.
Cultural Perceptions, Pressures, and the “Myth of Growing Up”
The expression and acceptance of childlike qualities, versus the condemnation of childish behaviours, do not occur in a vacuum. They are profoundly shaped by societal norms, cultural values, economic pressures, and media portrayals. Understanding these external influences is crucial for appreciating why many adults struggle to embrace their inner playfulness, curiosity, and wonder, and why childishness might, at times, be inadvertently reinforced or misunderstood.
Societal Devaluation of Play and Childlike Traits
A significant barrier to embracing childlikeness in adulthood is the pervasive societal tendency to devalue play and associated traits in favour of seriousness, productivity, and pragmatism.
Emphasis on Seriousness and Productivity: Many Western societies, in particular, tend to view adult play as trivial, frivolous, or even inappropriate when contrasted with the perceived importance of work and responsibility. Playfulness is often considered lacking “apparent practical usefulness,” a quality deemed unappealing to the “increasingly rational and pragmatic adult mind”. This can lead to a social climate where overt displays of playfulness in adults are met with disapproval or are considered less acceptable. The historical influence of ideologies like the Protestant work ethic, which valorizes hard work as a primary virtue, may contribute to this devaluation of play.
“Hustle Culture” and Its Impact: The modern phenomenon of “hustle culture” exacerbates this devaluation. Characterized by a relentless pursuit of professional success and constant productivity, often at the expense of personal well-being, hustle culture leaves little room for non-instrumental activities. It glorifies overwork, treats rest as a form of laziness or inefficiency, and discourages engagement in activities like play or the cultivation of wonder, which are not directly tied to measurable output or achievement. This culture typically focuses on external measures of success (money, status, followers), thereby undermining intrinsic motivation, which is the bedrock of genuine play and curiosity. The constant pressure to perform and achieve can lead to burnout, anxiety, poor work-life balance, and a diminished capacity for self-reflection, personal growth, leisure, or the kind of spontaneous exploration associated with childlike qualities.
Workplace Norms and “Professionalism”: Traditional notions of “professionalism” in many workplaces can inadvertently suppress the expression of creativity, playfulness, and curiosity. An environment that demands constant composure and adherence to rigid behavioural codes may leave little space for the spontaneity and experimentation inherent in these childlike traits. However, there is a growing recognition that cultivating these very qualities can significantly benefit businesses by fostering innovation, improving problem-solving, and increasing employee engagement and motivation. Initiatives like “Playful Work Design” (PWD) aim to consciously integrate elements of fun, challenge, and creativity into the work environment to enhance employee well-being and performance.
Insights from Play Researchers on the Decline of Play
Prominent researchers in the field of play have voiced concerns about the societal trends that diminish opportunities for play, particularly in childhood, with lasting implications for adult attitudes and behaviours.
Peter Gray: A leading voice in play research, Dr. Peter Gray argues that there has been a continuous and alarming decline in children's free, unstructured play since the mid-20th century. He attributes this to several factors, including increased hours spent in formal schooling and on homework, a rise in adult-controlled extracurricular activities, and heightened parental fears regarding safety in unsupervised settings. Gray contends that childhood has increasingly become a period for “résumé building,” where activities are valued based on their perceived contribution to future academic or career success, rather than for their intrinsic developmental benefits. This decline in free play, he posits, is strongly correlated with a dramatic rise in mental health disorders among children and adolescents, including anxiety and depression. Free play is crucial, in Gray's view, for children to learn essential life skills such as self-control, problem-solving, social negotiation, peer cooperation, and emotional resilience—skills that are difficult to teach through adult-directed means.
Stuart Brown (National Institute for Play): Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, champions play as a fundamental biological drive, as essential to human health, success, and happiness throughout the entire lifespan as sleep or nutrition. His research, including studies of individuals with severe behavioural problems such as homicidal males, revealed a common thread of significant play deprivation in their childhoods, underscoring the severe consequences of a lack of play. Conversely, he found that active, ongoing play is a consistent feature in the lives of highly successful and well-adjusted individuals. Brown argues against the common misconception that adult play is merely childish or frivolous, asserting that “the opposite of play is not work—it's depression”. He believes humans are uniquely designed for lifelong play.
Media Stereotypes and the Impact of Infantilization
Media portrayals and societal tendencies towards infantilization also play a role in shaping perceptions of adult behaviour.
Merging of Childhood and Adulthood in Media: Scholar Joshua Meyrowitz, writing in the 1980s, discussed how electronic media, particularly television, was contributing to a blurring of the lines between childhood and adulthood in terms of dress, behaviour, and language. He observed children appearing more adult-like in their speech and concerns, while adults often exhibited traits traditionally associated with children, such as egocentrism (e.g., the “me generation”) or a reluctance to assume full adult responsibilities. In entertainment media, adult characters are frequently portrayed with the needs and emotional vulnerabilities of overgrown children, sometimes being outsmarted by more mature and intelligent child characters.
Stereotypes of Immaturity and Childlikeness:
Childish Immaturity: The “man-child” trope is a common media stereotype that often reflects societal frustration with perceived adult emotional immaturity, particularly in men. Such portrayals can be pejorative and may oversimplify complex underlying issues, such as societal constructs that may stuntmen's emotional intelligence or the stigma associated with men seeking psychological help. Characters exhibiting childish traits like irresponsibility, emotional outbursts, or blame-shifting are often depicted as annoying or unreliable.
Childlike Innocence/Desirability (Often Subverted or Problematized): In some media, childlike innocence in adult characters can be portrayed as a desirable quality, though it is often nuanced or subverted. For example, in the 2022 film adaptation of Persuasion, the character Mary Musgrove's “childlike” manner—a trait historically considered desirable in Regency women as it implied innocence and subordination—is depicted as a tactic she uses to manipulate situations and subvert gender norms, though her behaviour often appears to be simply childish or self-absorbed.
Childlike Genius/Wonder: Conversely, media and biographical accounts sometimes celebrate innovators and creative individuals, like the physicist Richard Feynman, for retaining a childlike curiosity, a willingness to question assumptions, and an ability to approach problems with fresh, unconventional perspectives. Films such as Amelie are often praised for their ability to evoke a sense of childlike wonder and appreciation for the small joys of life in adult audiences.
Infantilization: This refers to the act of treating adults as if they are children, in a manner that is disempowering and undermines their autonomy and competence. Infantilization can stem from various sources, including misjudgment of an individual's abilities, overprotection (often by parents or caregivers), a desire for control by others, cultural norms that promote prolonged dependency (e.g., some familial or gender expectations), or even well-intentioned but overly restrictive protective policies. Sexism can also contribute, with women sometimes being infantilized due to outdated gender stereotypes. The effects of infantilization are generally negative, leading to diminished self-reliance, eroded dignity and self-esteem, and difficulties in developing a mature sense of agency.
Social Stigma of Immaturity: There is a clear social stigma attached to adult immaturity. Behaviours perceived as childish in adults often elicit negative social reactions, frustration, and judgment. Research itself can sometimes be biased, with studies on aging or stigmatized conditions inadvertently perpetuating stigma by interpreting any deviation from a “young, healthy adult” norm as a deficit or dysfunction, rather than considering contextual factors or alternative strengths.
Cross-Cultural Variations in Defining Maturity and Valuing Childlike Attributes
The concepts of “maturity,” “immaturity,” “childlike,” and “childish” are not universally defined; cultural contexts significantly shape them.
Defining Maturity: What constitutes “maturity” varies across cultures. While biological markers like reaching reproductive age are universal, psychological and social definitions differ. In many Western cultures, maturity is often associated with financial independence, emotional regulation, taking responsibility, and contributing to society. However, some argue that “mental maturity” as a fixed trait is a social construct, with different societies having different rites of passage and expectations for adult roles.
Emotional Maturity Across Cultures: Emotional maturity—encompassing self-awareness, empathy, responsible emotional expression, and boundary setting—is influenced by age, gender, and specific cultural norms regarding emotional display and regulation. The relationship with primary caregivers in childhood plays a crucial role in shaping how emotions are understood and expressed, and this interaction is itself embedded within a cultural framework.
Playfulness Across Cultures: While play is a universal human behaviour, biologically endowed but culturally moulded, the expression and valuation of playfulness in adults show cultural variation. Research comparing German-speaking countries (representing a Western perspective) with Mainland China (representing an Eastern perspective) suggests that while playfulness is generally viewed positively in Western cultures, it may carry negative connotations (e.g., associations with laziness or being the opposite of work) in some Eastern cultures that traditionally place a high value on diligence and seriousness. However, these are not monolithic views; for example, Confucian philosophy allowed for “proper” playfulness, and Daoism also incorporates playful elements. Societal rules and cultural factors significantly impact how playfulness is expressed and perceived. Anthropological studies confirm that humans tend to play more frequently and retain playfulness further into adulthood compared to other primates.
Emotional Expression Across Cultures: The types of emotions that are most prevalently experienced and expressed, as well as the rules for their display, differ significantly across cultures. These differences are often linked to culturally valued relationship models and social goals. For instance, socially disengaging emotions like pride or anger may be more frequent and intense in individualistic cultures (e.g., European American) that emphasize autonomy, whereas cultures valuing social harmony (e.g., traditional Inuit culture, some Japanese contexts) may discourage such expressions. The way group emotional expressions (like anger) are interpreted as signals of norm violation also varies culturally.
Ritual, Play, and Creativity in Cultural Context: Anthropology highlights the deep interconnections between ritual, play, and creativity in all human societies. Rituals, which often incorporate playful and creative elements (music, dance, storytelling), serve crucial social functions: reinforcing cultural values, strengthening social bonds, marking life transitions, and establishing group identity. These practices demonstrate that play and creativity are not just individual expressions but are deeply embedded in the social and cultural fabric of human life, often serving serious and significant communal purposes.
Neoteny and Human Development: The concept of neoteny—the retention of juvenile physical and behavioural traits into adulthood—is particularly pronounced in humans. Evolutionary theorists like Stephen Jay Gould and J.B.S. Haldane proposed that this has been a key feature in human evolution, allowing for prolonged behavioural plasticity, enhanced learning capacity, and more sophisticated emotional communication. This biological predisposition for retaining youthful flexibility and receptivity provides a basis for understanding why childlike qualities can be adaptive throughout life.
The societal “myth of growing up”—the pervasive idea that adulthood is a fixed state of seriousness achieved by methodically shedding all things perceived as “childish”—is a culturally reinforced narrative that actively hinders adult well-being. This narrative devalues essential human capacities for play, curiosity, and wonder by mischaracterizing them as immature. This restrictive view of adulthood is significantly amplified by contemporary economic pressures, most notably “hustle culture.” Society's tendency to devalue adult play as trivial or unproductive aligns with a perception of adulthood as stagnant and devoid of spontaneity. “Hustle culture” further entrenches this by demanding constant productivity and external validation, leaving no psychological or temporal space for non-instrumental play, intrinsic curiosity, or the experience of wonder. This framework supports the “myth of growing up” where childhood is seen merely as a phase to be outgrown and left behind, rather than a period whose most valuable qualities should be integrated into a mature and dynamic adulthood. Peter Gray's observation that even childhood is increasingly viewed as a time for “résumé building” rather than free play indicates how deeply this instrumental view has permeated our cultural psyche. Consequently, adult play often becomes “acceptable” only if it can be justified as serving a “productive” purpose (e.g., stress relief for better work performance, networking through sports), further suppressing its intrinsic value and the spontaneous joy it can bring.
Furthermore, the cross-cultural differences in the valuation of playfulness and norms of emotional expression strongly suggest that “maturity” itself is not a monolithic, universally defined concept but rather a culturally constructed one. What is considered “mature” behaviour in one cultural context—for example, Stoic emotional control and reserve—might be perceived as emotionally repressive, inauthentic, or even unhealthy in another culture that places a higher value on open emotional expression, spontaneity, and playfulness. For instance, a society that esteems stoicism might be more inclined to view overt expressions of joy or enthusiastic curiosity (positive childlike qualities) as “childish” or inappropriate for adults, whereas another cultural setting might embrace and encourage such expressions as signs of vitality and engagement. This variability has significant implications for global mental health approaches, as therapeutic interventions aimed at fostering positive childlike qualities or addressing behaviours deemed childish must be highly sensitive to and respectful of these diverse cultural frameworks and values.
Cultivating Childlikeness and Mitigating Childishness
Navigating the path toward a mature adulthood that embraces beneficial childlike qualities while overcoming detrimental childish patterns is a journey of self-awareness, intentional effort, and often, therapeutic support. Various psychological interventions and personal growth strategies can facilitate this process, helping individuals to unlock their capacity for joy, creativity, and authentic connection, while also developing greater emotional regulation, responsibility, and empathy.
Therapeutic Interventions
Professional therapeutic support can be invaluable in both fostering healthy childlikeness and addressing the roots of childish behaviours. Different modalities offer unique tools and perspectives:
A. Fostering Childlike Qualities:
Play Therapy for Adults: Traditionally associated with children, play therapy is increasingly recognized for its benefits with adults. It provides a safe and supportive environment to engage the mind, body, and spirit, thereby promoting communication, stress reduction, emotional regulation, and self-expression. Techniques such as role-play, nature play, board games, improvisation (improve), and various expressive arts (e.g., using Dixit cards, Brave Play Kits) are employed. Adult play therapy can help individuals access subconscious material, explore creative problem-solving, and re-experience spontaneity. It fosters wonder and spontaneity by bypassing cognitive defences, allowing for non-judgmental exploration and nonverbal expression of emotions and experiences. Case studies have demonstrated its effectiveness in addressing various psychological issues by allowing adults to reconnect with playful aspects of themselves.
Art Therapy for Adults: Art therapy serves as a powerful medium for healing, enhancing self-awareness, and fostering personal growth in adults. Through various techniques—such as drawing and painting (encouraging spontaneous mark-making, exploring colour, creating mandalas for mindfulness), collage and mixed media (reframing narratives, expressing themes through found images), clay and 3D work (grounding, exploring boundaries, symbolic representation), guided imagery art (accessing subconscious material through visualization and creation), and movement/dance-drawing (kinesthetic release and emotional expression)—clients can process complex emotions and gain new perspectives. Art therapy promotes self-reflection, authentic emotional expression, stress reduction, and cognitive enhancement. The process itself, often intuitive and exploratory, can cultivate a sense of wonder and spontaneity. Therapists often use open-ended questions like, “What do you notice about your artwork?” or “How do you feel as you share this piece?” to foster curiosity and deepen insight. Case studies have documented successful outcomes for adults dealing with phobias, self-harm urges, and depression through art therapy.
Mindfulness Practices: Cultivating present-moment awareness with an attitude of openness and curiosity is a direct pathway to enhancing childlike wonder and detaching from habitual, often negative, judgments. Mindfulness involves sharpening sensory awareness (noticing colours, textures, sounds as if for the first time), disrupting “autopilot” modes of thinking and behaving, and intentionally shifting perspective to that of an “open and curious inner child”. By focusing on pleasant sensory experiences or observing thoughts and emotions without immediate judgment, individuals can foster a sense of peace and discovery. These practices can be integrated into everyday activities, transforming mundane tasks into opportunities for wonder.
Humanistic Therapies (e.g., Person-centred Therapy — Carl Rogers): These approaches are grounded in the belief of an innate human drive toward self-actualization—realizing one's full potential. Carl Rogers' Person-centred Therapy aims to create a therapeutic environment characterized by three core conditions: congruence (the therapist's genuineness and authenticity), unconditional positive regard (deep, non-judgmental acceptance of the client), and accurate empathic understanding (the therapist's ability to deeply grasp the client's inner world). Therapeutic techniques flowing from these principles include active listening, reflection on feelings, encouraging self-exploration by asking open-ended questions, and maintaining a focus on the here-and-now. Such an environment allows clients to safely explore their true selves, shed inhibitions, and express themselves with greater authenticity and spontaneity, qualities often reminiscent of a healthy childlike state.
Positive Psychology Interventions: These interventions focus on identifying and cultivating character strengths, many of which align with positive childlike qualities, to enhance well-being and flourishing. Specific exercises can be designed to boost strengths like curiosity (e.g., trying new food from a different culture, taking a different route home, exploring an unfamiliar topic online), creativity (e.g., brainstorming multiple solutions to a problem, turning an inanimate object into something symbolic), zest (e.g., engaging in energetic activities like dancing or playing with a pet, expressing energy through vibrant clothing), and humour (e.g., doing something spontaneously playful, telling a funny story, watching a comedy). The VIA framework suggests that using one's top “signature strengths” in new ways can significantly increase happiness and authenticity.
Addressing Childish Behaviours (Emotional Immaturity, Egocentrism, Impulsivity)
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT is effective in challenging maladaptive beliefs and behaviours that underpin emotional immaturity and egocentrism, while also developing problem-solving skills and promoting accountability.
Key techniques include thought restructuring (often using thought diaries to identify, challenge, and modify negative or distorted automatic thoughts), active problem-solving (defining problems, brainstorming solutions, evaluating options, and taking action), breaking down overwhelming tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and activity scheduling to introduce new, positive behaviours and responsibilities.
CBT aims to help individuals reduce emotional triggers, regulate the intensity of their emotional responses, and shorten the duration of distress.
To address egocentrism specifically, CBT may involve techniques aimed at criticizing the “imaginary audience” (the belief that others are constantly judging oneself) and engaging in structured perspective-taking exercises to help individuals consider situations from others' viewpoints.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): Originally developed for Borderline Personality Disorder, DBT is highly effective for individuals struggling with emotional dysregulation and impulsivity, which are core components of adult childishness.
DBT is built upon four core skills modules:
Mindfulness: Cultivating present-moment awareness without judgment.
Distress Tolerance: Learning to cope with painful emotions and crisis without resorting to impulsive or destructive behaviours.
Emotion Regulation: Understanding, identifying, labelling, and changing emotions.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Learning to get needs met, say no, and maintain relationships and self-respect.
Specific skills like the “STOP” skill (Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully) and “Cope Ahead” (proactively planning for difficult situations) are taught to reduce impulsive actions. Other techniques include identifying and naming emotions, learning to “ride the wave” of an emotion without acting on it, and the “PLEASE” skill (Physical iLlness, Eating, Avoiding mood-altering drugs, Sleep, Exercise) for maintaining baseline emotional stability.
Schema Therapy: This integrative therapy is particularly useful for addressing deeply ingrained, self-defeating life patterns or “early maladaptive schemas” that often originate in childhood and contribute to adult emotional immaturity, egocentrism (as seen in Entitlement/Grandiosity schemas), and impulsivity/irresponsibility (as seen in Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline schemas).
Key techniques include:
Limited Reparenting: The therapist provides, within professional boundaries, some nurturing, validation, and firm guidance that was missing in the client's childhood.
Empathy Confrontation: The therapist validates the client's feelings and the origins of their schemas, while gently but firmly confronting the maladaptive nature of the schema-driven thoughts and behaviours and their impact on self and others.
Mode Work: Identifying and working with different “schema modes” (moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses), such as the “Entitled Child mode,” “Impulsive Child mode,” or “Detached Protector mode,” and strengthening the “Healthy Adult mode.” This often involves cognitive, experiential (e.g., imagery rescripting, chair work dialogues between modes), and behavioural pattern-breaking techniques.
For the Insufficient Self-Control schema, interventions focus on recognizing triggers like frustration or boredom, developing self-coaching strategies, breaking tasks into smaller steps, establishing accountability (e.g., with an accountability partner), and practicing impulse-control techniques like “Stop-Think-Act”.
Psychodynamic Therapy: This approach is valuable for exploring and resolving the deeper, often unconscious, roots of arrested development and developmental fixations that manifest as adult immaturity.
Techniques such as free association, dream analysis, the interpretation of defence mechanisms, and the exploration of transference (client's feelings towards the therapist based on past relationships) and countertransference (therapist's reactions to the client) are used to help individuals understand how past conflicts, unmet needs, and early relational patterns continue to influence their present behaviour and emotional responses. The goal is to bring these unconscious dynamics into conscious awareness, allowing for insight, emotional processing, and the development of more mature ways of relating and coping.
Empathy Training Programs: Specifically designed to address egocentrism and a lack of empathy, these programs often incorporate psychoeducation and experiential exercises. They focus on skills such as practicing mindfulness, cultivating curiosity about others' experiences, engaging in active listening, paying attention to non-verbal cues, consciously questioning one's own biases and assumptions, asking clarifying questions instead of making assumptions, seeking feedback on one's empathic accuracy, and cultivating humility by stepping out of one's comfort zone. Exercises might include “Trading Places” (imagining oneself in another's situation) or “Creating an Empathy Picture” (visually representing another's perceived emotional state).
Self-Help and Personal Growth Strategies
Beyond formal therapy, individuals can proactively engage in strategies to cultivate childlikeness and diminish childish tendencies:
Developing Self-Awareness: The cornerstone of change is recognizing one's own patterns. This involves identifying personal triggers for childish reactions (e.g., feeling criticized, overwhelmed), acknowledging emotional immaturities, and understanding the impact of these behaviours. Practices like journaling about emotional responses and interpersonal interactions, and regular mindfulness meditation to observe thoughts and feelings without immediate judgment, can significantly enhance self-awareness.
Practicing Emotional Regulation Skills: Learning and consistently applying techniques to manage difficult emotions constructively is vital. This might involve deep breathing exercises, taking a pause before reacting, identifying and labelling emotions accurately, and challenging catastrophic thinking.
Cultivating Perspective-Taking: To counter egocentrism, individuals can consciously practice trying to see situations from other people's viewpoints. This involves active listening, asking clarifying questions, and imagining how another person might be thinking and feeling in a given scenario.
Intentionally Cultivating Childlike Qualities:
Playfulness: This can be fostered by consciously scheduling time for play, identifying activities that genuinely feel playful (regardless of how “silly” they might seem), and adopting a more playful mindset in everyday situations. This could range from engaging in hobbies, playing games, to simply injecting more humour and lightheartedness into interactions.
Curiosity: Actively seek curiosity role models (people who embody an inquisitive spirit), make a conscious effort to treat every person as a source of valuable learning (as Bill Nye said, “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't”), and practice holding one's own beliefs more loosely, being open to questioning and revising them. Asking “why not?” instead of assuming limitations can also spark curiosity.
Wonder: Engage in “explorer mode” by dedicating small amounts of time to purposeless, enjoyable activities like doodling, dancing to a favourite song, or simply observing the environment with fresh eyes. Create “micro-moments of wonder” by intentionally looking for something amazing or beautiful in everyday surroundings—the shape of a cloud, the pattern on a leaf, a kind gesture.
Utilizing Workbooks and Self-Help Literature:
Lindsay Gibson's Series: Books such as Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, and Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People offer profound insights and practical strategies for individuals who grew up with emotionally immature caregivers. These resources focus on understanding the impact of such upbringing, learning to set healthy boundaries, practicing emotional detachment where necessary, managing expectations, and ultimately, recovering one's true self and capacity for healthy relationships. Strategies include observing parental behaviour rather than engaging reactively, and setting clear targets for interactions.
DBT Skills Workbooks: These provide structured exercises for developing mindfulness, improving interpersonal effectiveness, regulating emotions, and increasing distress tolerance.
CBT Workbooks: These often include tools for identifying and restructuring negative thought patterns, challenging cognitive distortions, and developing effective problem-solving skills.
Adopting Healthy Lifestyle Changes: Physical well-being significantly impacts emotional well-being. Maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in regular physical exercise, ensuring sufficient sleep, and employing stress reduction techniques (like meditation or yoga) can create a more stable foundation for emotional maturity and reduce the likelihood of resorting to maladaptive or childish coping mechanisms.
Illustrative Anonymized Case Vignettes
To illustrate these pathways, consider the following anonymized vignettes:
Vignette 1 (Addressing Childishness – “Alex”): Alex, a 35-year-old, frequently experienced intense emotional outbursts during disagreements with their partner and tended to blame their partner for any relationship problems. In therapy, combining DBT and Schema Therapy approaches, Alex began to identify the triggers for these outbursts. Alex learned DBT skills for emotional regulation (e.g., recognizing escalating anger, using distress tolerance techniques like taking a break instead of yelling). Schema work helped Alex understand an underlying “Defectiveness” schema and an “Angry Child” mode. Through therapy, Alex practiced recognizing these modes and responding from a “Healthy Adult” perspective. The outcome was a significant reduction in emotional outbursts, an improved ability to communicate needs assertively yet respectfully, and a greater capacity for self-reflection and taking responsibility in the relationship, moving away from the patterns described in and.
Vignette 2 (Cultivating Childlikeness – “Sarah”): Sarah, a 42-year-old marketing executive, presented with symptoms of burnout, reporting a lack of joy and feeling creatively stifled by the pressures of “hustle culture”. Her therapist incorporated elements of Art Therapy and Positive Psychology. Sarah was encouraged to engage in non-goal-oriented creative activities, such as “spontaneous drawing” where she just let her hand move across the paper without a plan, and to keep a “wonder journal” where she noted small, beautiful, or curious things she observed each day. Positive psychology interventions involved identifying her signature strength of “Curiosity” and finding new ways to apply it outside of work, such as taking a pottery class she'd always been interested in. The outcome was a noticeable increase in Sarah's life satisfaction, a reduction in stress symptoms, and the rediscovery of passions she had long suppressed, reflecting the benefits of play and curiosity outlined in sources like and.
Vignette 3 (Narcissistic/Entitled Traits – “Mark,” inspired by Milly/Linda): Mark, a 28-year-old, struggled in his career due to an inability to accept feedback, a belief that he deserved special treatment, and a tendency to devalue colleagues' contributions. His history revealed parenting that was inconsistently overindulgent and neglectful, fostering a sense of entitlement and a fragile self-esteem. Schema Therapy focused on his “Entitlement/Grandiosity” schema and his “Self-Aggrandizer” mode. Through empathy confrontation, the therapist helped Mark see the impact of his behaviour on others. Limited Reparenting provided a consistent, boundaries relationship where his genuine needs (for validation, competence) could be acknowledged without indulging entitled demands. Mode work, including chair dialogues, helped him develop his “Healthy Adult” mode to challenge his entitled thoughts and behaviours, leading to improved workplace relationships and a more realistic self-appraisal.
Vignette 4 (Dependent Traits – “Chloe”): Chloe, a 30-year-old, exhibited many symptoms of Dependent Personality Disorder, constantly seeking reassurance for minor decisions, fearing abandonment in her relationships, and struggling with being alone. Psychodynamic therapy explored the roots of her dependency in early childhood experiences, where her attempts at autonomy were discouraged by an overanxious parent. Concurrently, CBT techniques were used to challenge her core beliefs about her inability to cope independently. She practiced graded exposure to being alone and making small decisions without consultation. Coping strategies included journaling her anxieties and evidence-testing her fears about abandonment. Gradually, Chloe built more self-reliance and her “childish” clinginess in relationships diminished.
It becomes evident that effective intervention often requires a dual approach: actively working to reduce ingrained childish patterns—which are frequently rooted in past adverse experiences, unmet developmental needs, and resulting maladaptive schemas—while simultaneously cultivating and giving explicit permission for the expression of healthy childlike qualities. One aspect cannot simply be willed into existence without addressing the other. Childish behaviours often serve as defences or are maladaptive coping mechanisms that have developed in response to arrested development or trauma. These entrenched patterns typically require targeted therapeutic intervention, such as CBT to challenge maladaptive beliefs, Schema Therapy to heal underlying schemas, or psychodynamic approaches to resolve past conflicts and their ongoing influence. Concurrently, positive childlike qualities like playfulness and curiosity, while innate, can be suppressed by these same negative experiences or by societal conditioning. Therapies like Play Therapy or Art Therapy are specifically designed to actively nurture and reawaken these suppressed capacities. Therefore, merely encouraging an individual to “be more playful” or “more curious” without addressing the underlying anxiety, emotional dysregulation, or negative self-beliefs that fuel childish reactions is likely to be ineffective or could even be counterproductive, potentially leading to more frustration or a superficial engagement with these qualities.
The therapeutic relationship itself emerges as a profoundly powerful vehicle for modelling and allowing the client to experience healthy childlikeness. For instance, the therapist's congruence (genuineness) and unconditional positive regard in Rogerian person-centred therapy create a safe relational space where the client can begin to explore and express their authentic self, which may include previously inhibited childlike spontaneity and joy. Similarly, the technique of “limited Reparenting” within Schema Therapy directly aims to meet some of the client's unmet childhood emotional needs (for validation, security, appropriate limits) within the safety and boundaries of the therapeutic bond. This provides a corrective emotional experience that can be far more impactful than didactic instruction alone, particularly for individuals whose early relational environments were deficient, abusive, or inconsistent. If childishness often stems from these unmet needs and a lack of healthy roles modelling for emotional expression and regulation, then a therapist who embodies mature emotional regulation while also demonstrating openness, genuine curiosity, and perhaps even appropriate playful engagement (when therapeutically indicated) offers a potent alternative model. This experiential learning, occurring within the secure base of the therapy relationship, can be crucial for the client to internalize new, healthier ways of being and relating, thereby fostering the integration of positive childlike qualities into a more mature and resilient adult self.
Embracing the Childlike Adult for a Fulfilling and Authentic Life
The distinction between being childlike and childish as an adult is not merely a semantic nuance but a critical psychological delineation with profound implications for well-being, personal growth, and the quality of one's engagement with the world. This exploration has underscored that while childish behaviours—rooted in emotional immaturity, arrested development, and maladaptive coping mechanisms—are detrimental to adult functioning and interpersonal harmony, the cultivation of positive childlike qualities represents a pathway to a richer, more authentic, and resilient adulthood.
Integrating healthy childlike attributes such as genuine curiosity, the capacity for wonder, invigorating playfulness, boundless creativity, a welcoming openness to experience, and heartfelt authenticity into a mature adult identity enhances psychological well-being in myriad ways. These are not traits to be “outgrown” or discarded in the pursuit of a narrowly defined adulthood; rather, they are vital components of a flourishing human life. They contribute to enhanced learning, stronger social connections, greater emotional resilience, and a deeper appreciation for the tapestry of existence.
The role of these qualities extend beyond individual contentment to foster tangible benefits in broader life domains. Childlike curiosity is a wellspring of innovation and discovery, driving progress in both personal and professional spheres. Playfulness alleviates stress and builds resilience, allowing individuals to navigate adversity with greater flexibility and a more positive outlook. Wonder and authenticity deepen our connections with others and with the world around us, fostering empathy and meaningful relationships. These are the very qualities that can transform a life from mere existence to one of purpose and joy.
Ultimately, the goal is not to remain suspended in a state of perpetual childhood, nor is it to achieve a rigid, sterile form of adulthood devoid of vibrancy. Instead, the aspiration is to become an adult who has successfully and wisely integrated the most vital, life-enhancing, and positive aspects of childhood into a mature, responsible, and emotionally intelligent framework. This harmonious balance allows for both the wisdom of experience and the freshness of a beginner's mind, the capacity for serious engagement and the ability to find lightness and joy. Achieving this synthesis is an ongoing developmental process, not a fixed endpoint. It requires continuous self-awareness, a courageous commitment to personal growth, and the resilience to challenge both internal patterns of childishness and external societal pressures that devalue authentic, joyful, and curious living. The truly mature adult, as C.S. Lewis so eloquently suggested, is not one who fears being considered childish, but one who has put away that very fear, thereby embracing the fullness and richness of their integrated being.
This journey toward embracing beneficial childlikeness while simultaneously overcoming detrimental childishness is, in essence, a continuous unfolding of the self. Adulthood itself is not a static destination but a dynamic period of further learning, adaptation, and growth. Emotional maturity, a cornerstone of this process, is not achieved overnight but is cultivated through ongoing experience and reflection. Therapeutic modalities and personal growth strategies often emphasize this ongoing nature, involving consistent practice of new skills (as in DBT) or sustained engagement with challenging internal patterns (as in Schema Therapy or psychodynamic work). The cultivation of childlike qualities, too, is an active and intentional endeavour, requiring conscious effort to nurture curiosity, seek wonder, and make space for play. Therefore, achieving this delicate and powerful balance between the wisdom of adulthood and the wonder of the child within is not a one-time accomplishment, but a lifelong practice of integrating these diverse yet complementary aspects of the human experience.
The implications of this understanding extend beyond the individual to the collective. A societal embrace and active encouragement of positive childlike qualities in adults could foster a more innovative, resilient, adaptable, and compassionate society. By consciously shifting cultural narratives away from rigid, performance-based notions of “adulthood” towards a more holistic and integrated model of human development, we can create environments—in our families, workplaces, educational institutions, and communities—where individuals are more likely to thrive. This requires a collective challenging of the “myth of growing up” and a re-evaluation of the societal tendency to devalue non-instrumental play and intrinsic curiosity. By fostering these qualities, we enrich individual lives and enhance our collective capacity for creative problem-solving, robust social cohesion, and a deeper, more joyful engagement with the shared human journey.